Lent 20+13

I gave up meat for Lent.

Over the past year, I have begun to be far more interested in food and health.  I guess this began at camp last year.  Basically most every meal we had was fried, and I just felt absolutely disgusting by the end of my 7 weeks there.

When I got back to my apartment in Waco, one of the things that I became most excited about was going to the grocery store and buying some healthy food-- veggies, yogurt, real eggs, almond milk, whole grains, hummus, etc.  I also started watching these videos on youtube that talked about health.

Some of these videos talked about basic things that most people know, like saturated fats are bad, and that we need to eat our fruits and veggies.  Some others talked more about high fructose corn syrup, GMO, MSG, and other harmful things that food manufacturers put in our food to get us addicted.  These videos also talked about the real dangers of simple carbohydrates, saturated fats, fried foods, and sugary drinks.  All of this blew my mind.

Over the past couple of semesters I have tried to eat healthier.  I still mess up and treat myself, but my diet now will consist of whole grain tortillas and hummus rather than kraft mac and cheese.

I have also begun to recognize the value in locally grown and natural foods.  Reasons for this being that I like to put my money into the local economy, the food is fresher, and it tastes better.

Something I've become aware of lately is how not only are there pesticides that are put on our produce in the supermarket, but also the meat that we buy and eat is filled with gross stuff as well.  For example, meat should go bad after around 4 days, but meat producers will pump most of the meat in grocery stores full of carbon monoxide to keep it looking fresh.

So for lent I decided to give up meat.

Before I gave it up I wasn't really eating too much meat anyway, but I also wasn't restricting myself in anyway.  There's a difference when I'm purposefully not eating it than when I just don't want to eat it.

So I decided to allow myself to eat meat on sundays (sundays aren't counted into the 40 days of Lent).  Most times I would only have a little chicken, but last week I ventured out.  The college group I'm involved with at church had a little cookout, and I decided to indulge in a hamburger and a couple small pieces of sausage.

Bad choice.  For the rest of the day I was feeling gross and feeling kinda sick.  It's funny how our bodies will adjust to what we do or do not put in it.

As Americans we eat a lot of meat.  I have especially realized this especially over the past month or so.  Walk in to most restaurants, and it is a challenge to find something that doesn't involve some sort of chicken, beef, or bacon.  If you think about it, it almost seems kind of silly.  Here God gave us all these vegetables, fruits, grains, and nuts to fill our bodies with the nutrients, protein, fiber, and calcium we need to live, but here we are eating a diet that generally doesn't include these natural gifts given by God.  It's awesome how God gives us the food to eat and the nutrients we need naturally.

A lot of people would ask me where I was getting my protein.  For some reason we have this misconception that we can only get the protein we need from poultry and meats.  Truth is that our culture eats too much protein, and meat is just one way to getting it.  It can also be found in nuts, eggs, legumes, seafood, seeds, and soy.

I have nothing against eating meat.  I think it is ok for us to kill animals and eat the meat from them.  However, my issue is our way of doing so.  Feeding our animals antibiotics and steroids and then killing them.... putting hazardous chemicals in the food... not exactly The Jungle by Upton Sinclair, but it's up there.

So yah... not gonna go completely vegetarian now, but I'll be eating less meat for sure.  Natural and grass fed meat when I can help it.



Grace

During Lent, I unintentionally learned a lot about grace.  I got a new view of the story of Jesus' death and resurrection.

I'm not going to go into specifics, but let's just say that a group including myself and some friends, got together to study one day.  We started to form a list of study questions and sent them out to the class.  Because of the circumstances of the exam, this could have been viewed as cheating, even though it was not our intention whatsoever.  Basically our professors found out, and it was a big thing... thankfully they realized that we were not trying to cheat, and we didn't get in trouble.

Grace.

I'm applying for a graduate school program at Baylor.  Because of some circumstances, my application was not in until the last minute.  I knew that all of my stuff was in, but I was worried about my reference letters.  The next day, the school e-mailed out that they were extending their admissions deadline.

Grace.

Grace is an undeserved gift.  They didn't have to not punish us.  They didn't have to extend the deadline.

Jesus didn't have to put my sins on his shoulders and carry them for me.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially in the past week:  what was Jesus feeling during those final hours of his life?

How was he feeling when his closest friends wouldn't stay awake with him during his final hours in the Garden?  Or when one of them betrayed him with a kiss?  One of the most symbolic signs of intimacy... and he was led to persecution by it.

I've been trying to put myself in his shoes.  Trying to think of circumstances in which my friends didn't come through or when I felt betrayed by someone I loved.  It hurts, and it hurts deep.

Some of the very people who Jesus knew and loved were yelling to Pilot to crucify him.

and that is where I see the grace.

The Bible tells us that three days after he was crucified, Jesus came up from the tomb.  He appeared to Mary and Martha, and then the disciples.

If you recall, in Mark14, all of the disciples completely deserted Jesus (and then there is an awkward story about a guy running naked).  Not only were Jesus' disciples unable to stay awake with him in the garden, but they completely deserted him in his time of need.

When we look at the resurrection we don't see a guy who is upset at his closest friends for deserting him.  We don't see a guy who is holding resentment for the things that have been done to him.  No, here Jesus embraces his disciples.  He forgives them and loves him.  He tells them to go out and spread his name.  He gives them a mission and a purpose... these very people who betrayed him.

Grace.

I like to think that these examples of grace shown to me can be adequate examples of the grace Jesus gives us... but I don't think it can.  While I know that I feel thankful and undeserving of the gifts bestowed upon me, I know that what Jesus did is far more than any of that.  He made it so that I could show grace to others in response to how he's shown it to me.

Controversy

It’s so easy to say we know what it means to love, especially in a Christ-like manner, when we are sitting in our primarily white, suburban churches and donating money to charities and missionaries without actually doing any of the work ourselves.  

I hope that Christ breaks me out of that box.

That I will realize that I should predominantly follow the teachings of Jesus.  Teachings that talk about caring for the oppressed and the widows and the orphans.  Teachings that talk about carrying my cross, and suffering for the sake of the Gospel.  Like actually physically suffering… not just sitting at my computer and being upset at what people are posting on facebook about marriage equality.

I hope that I will realize that I need to follow this Jesus, and that no matter how great the teachings of Paul are in his letters, that Jesus is to come first.  While Paul is important and significant (after all, he is published in the New Testament Canon), he is just as human as you or me.  

Paul talks about his sin all the way throughout the New Testament.  Jesus is sinless.  He is perfect.  

I hope I will realize that when I read the story of the Great Samaritan, that I am the pharisee.  I am no greater, no better than he.  I don’t see hurt around me, and I continue on my selfish road to my own selfish gain.  Just because I claim to be a follower of Christ doesn’t mean that I affiliate with the hero in the story. 

So please tell me whose teachings are more important?

So even if homosexuality is a sin, I think that the American church places far too much importance on it.  

It is mentioned 5 times total in the whole Bible, 6 if you include Sodom and Gomorra, but that is a stretch considering that scholars most often say that this verse is primarily concerned with hospitality.  The two verses in Leviticus, while being significant, can’t be put into a real Christian argument.  There are so many other laws in Leviticus that we don’t follow, that saying we uphold these is hypocritical and creates a we-are-better-than-you mentality.  Besides, as Christians we believe that Christ came to fulfill the Old Testament laws and to create a new covenant.  Therefore these verses can’t stand up in religious argument very well.

We then must look at the passages in the New Testament.  These verses are found in Romans, 1 Corinthians, and 1 Timothy… all books that are attributed to Paul (although scholars are unsure as to whether Paul actually wrote all of those based on writing styles, etc).  So here we can see that the phsycial act of homosexuality is wrong according to the New Testament.  Therefore, it can be taken as a sin. and wrong.  However, nothing says that the emotional side or the attraction is wrong.  This just gets all messed up because so much of a person's identity is bound in their physical acts.  So much of our relationships, our pains, and our emotions are caught up in our physical and sexual acts and pasts.... no matter what sexual orientation we affiliate ourselves with.

But homosexuality is never once mentioned in the Gospels.  I am fairly positive that it is not a central theme to the life and teachings of Jesus.  Instead Jesus talks about love, service, and salvation.  If Jesus wanted to talk about homosexuality, he would have.  His words in the Gospels, a few of them especially, are so selective, that I have confidence in my belief that if homosexuality was something real important to Christianity, then Jesus would have mentioned it at least once.

I think that the American church places far too much emphasis on homosexuality.  I think that if Jesus didn’t talk about it, then maybe we shouldn’t focus as much on it either.  We should focus on finding the best way to care in love for people.  There are other issues we should focus more on in the political spectrum.  Issues such as providing health care for people who can’t afford it.  Issues such as providing governmental assistance to the many people who are below the poverty line.  Providing food to the many, many adults and children who are starving on the very streets of our cities while we walk into an overstuffed kitchen and complain about not having anything to eat.  Things that we can tangibly do for the "least of these".

While I think that the American church places too much emphasis on the legality of homosexuality, I do think the issue of homosexuality is important.  Especially in regards to the culture and times that we are living in now.  I think that it is important that the American church do something about the way it is treating people.  No, this doesn’t mean that you have to agree with what is being said, but you do need to realize that while America was founded upon Biblical principles, it isn't really a “Christian nation”, and has the separation of church and state.  Laws aren't made based on the Bible.  That would be like the Sharia law that is imposed on many Islamic countries (although the Bible is far more ambiguous).

What you need to be able to do is look at your neighbor who is hurting.  Look at your neighbor who is hurting because they have struggled with their sexuality their whole lives, grown up in a Christian environment where they are told that God hates them, and to say that you are sorry.  

And not just look, but know.  

Have the conversations.  Get to know his or her story.  Get to know why he or she may have left the church, or is doubting their faith.  Why they struggle every day in a world that tells them they are less than valuable.  Get off of the church pews, and out of the buildings with stain glass and beautiful crosses, and carry that cross out to those who need it.

I am sorry.

I am sorry that the church hasn’t extended love, because if you are feeling hate, then obviously there is something wrong with the picture.

I hope that my life will be a reflection of Jesus’ love.  Of his perfect, self-sacrificing, mercy-filled, love.

**if you have a comment, please contact me privately.  I would love to discuss this with you, but not in a public forum.  I have written two 10+ page papers dealing with these issues in my undergrad, so I am more than welcome to conversation. Thanks.

For learning. For knowing. For Loving.

A lot of times you hear people say that their college years were the best time of his or her life.  This causes multiple feelings to run through my head.  Is my life at its climax right now?  Is it all downhill after 22?

In some ways I can definitely see that it is.  Especially being a senior days away from graduation, and sitting on the cusp of a new kind of independence which ironically may involve moving in with the parents for a few months in the summer.

College is a time of growth.  A time of learning.  But it is also, especially in today's culture, a time to get away from the world.  To get your independence but not have to really pay for it.  A time to step away from many of the real issues in life, and a time to have fun.  To make friends.  Join clubs.  Become who you are meant to be.

And people say that that is the best it gets?  That going to parties and being involved in college is the best their lives will ever be?

That to me is sad.  I guess I've kind of always had this picture of what life would be.  Especially lately as I've started to think about what I really want to do.  And that picture for me is really, really exciting.  I know this sounds silly since I don't have any definite plans yet for after I graduate, but I am really excited.

The way I have envisioned my future is with people.  I want to know people.  I want to hang out with people, talk to people, love people.  I want to help people.  And help people I will.  I have really just developed a need to do so in my life this past year, and that is nothing short of the grace of God.

I long to travel.  I want to go to Israel and Europe and the Grand Canyon.  I want to live somewhere different, maybe Europe or the East Coast.  I want to learn more about other people's cultures.  I want to learn why people act the way they do.

So perhaps this reason why I don't see college as being the best part of my life is because I see it as a launching pad.  I have had these passions come into my life, and God just keeps opening these amazing doors full of nothing short of His grace alone, that allows for me to do his will.  And I am so, so grateful.

And yes, I know there will be pain in the future.  Loved ones will pass away, money will be an issue, heartache will come... but I know I can make it through.

Because the hope of the world tomorrow and the many tomorrows after that is something that keeps me going when I'm feeling upset.  A hope for learning more about this every changing, ever beautiful world.  A hope for learning, for knowing, for loving.

Yesterday...

I almost shoplifted.  Not intentionally.

When I was younger I always thought that lipstick was for older women.  Recently, I have come to the realization that I am 22 and in that time of life when I am “allowed” to wear lipstick.  So yesterday, when I went to HEB, I mustered up the courage, picked out a bright red color, and added it to my shopping cart.  

As is always the problem with small items, it blended into the cart and had a hard time keeping itself in there.  When I was checking out, I seemed to have forgotten it.  I was focused on the high price of my vegetarian food selection on a college kid budget, and the lady in front of me after her full conveyer-belt piled high with food and a screaming toddler at her side.

So I checked out, and as the guy was helping me put the bagged groceries back into my cart, he noticed the lipstick.  I felt like a little kid sneaking candy from the candy drawer and being caught by Mom.

He quickly turned on his heals, already stressed from a long day and no help with the bagging, and went back to the cash register.  My guess is that my face was washed out and red with embarrassment.

As quickly as I could, I told him I was very sorry, got my cart and exited right to my car.

Let’s just say that the red color of the lipstick is very representative of the circumstances in which I bought it.

Sorry HEB guy!

Figured

Thanks.  I feel a little bit better now!

Confessions of an Extrovert

We live in an extroverted society.  It's kind of hard to deny that.  From the youngest ages, kids are encouraged to be social.  Whether it's at school, church, or summer camp, kids are looked down upon if they don't fit into the social mold.  Lately it seems to me that a lot of energy has been entirely focused on letting introverts and others know that being that way is ok, especially on social media.  And I love that!  I love that we are allowing these people to feel like they are ok just the way they are!

Here is one of my favorite TED videos that describes this well:

Several of my closest friends are introverts.  I love being around introverts.  I love learning from introverts.  I love engaging in conversation with introverts.  My roommate is an introvert, and so are most of the guys I have been interested in.

But alas, I am not.

I am very much an extrovert.

I used to think I was an introvert in high school.  Then I got to college.  I started realizing that I can't be by myself for huge amounts of time.  I can get depressed if that happens.  I discovered that I love meeting new people and getting to know them.  That interacting with my friends is often what I need to brighten my day or mood.

I love being social.  I love being an extrovert.  But go with me for a second.... it does come with its challenges.  It's not easy.  There are many times a week, maybe even in a day, when I find myself wishing that I were more introverted.

Why is this a problem you ask?  Welllll, let me tell you:

It begins with an "S" and ends with a "you're-gonna-fail-school-if-you-don't-do-this".  Yep folks, it's studying.  First of all, I think I have a tad of ADD, and that has been an ongoing debate between my mom and I for years (although she recently told me that she actually thinks I have had it since elementary school...).  However, I think it is more than that.

Here is my dilemma:
I like to study in quiet.  It helps me to focus better.  I also like to study with people around who are also studying.  That feeds my extrovert-ness and helps me to focus.  So a lot of times I study in the lobby of our library.  I like to study here because I get to overlook Baylor, study, listen to jazz, folk, or classical music, drink my chai tea, and see people I know.

The problem comes when I know people... which inevitably occurs.

One saturday afternoon I went to the library, sat in my usual spot, and discovered one of my close friends sitting nearby.  I went over to talk to him for a couple of minutes, and then hurried back to begin the studying process.  Over the course of a few hours, my friend observed as my old roommate and her boyfriend came and talked to be for over half an hour.  Then these girls came up and I started making small talk with them.... but I couldn't remember their names.  He observed me seeing friends I hadn't seen in years, and my accidental spilling of tea on my computer.  Yes, I got work done... but it took much longer than it should have.  And Carlos was laughing at me quite a bit by the end.

There are so many times a week when I wish that I had the will power to sit down with a pile of books by C.S. Lewis, Bonhoeffer, Claiborne, and a variety of other authors and theologians.  I wish that I could just devour them without even thinking about moving.  I wish that I didn't feel the need for human interacting every like 30 minutes.  I wish that I didn't start thinking about something random and go off into my own little land (that may be the ADD...).  But really, there are so many times when I wish I was a tad more introverted.

Maybe this is the whole "the grass is greener on the other side" phenomenon.... but maybe it's not.  I think that I can be happy in where I am on this spectrum and still long to grow in either way.  After all, developing ourselves to be productive demonstrates how we work as humans, doesn't it?  If we are completely stagnant in how we approach life and all the aspects of it, we miss something.  Seems to fit into Darwin's theory of the survival of the fittest.

So here's to the introverts!

Here's to the ones who inspire me to read, to learn, and to focus.  Who teach me that it is okay to be alone sometimes.

But let's be honest... I wish you were here.

Why Don't We Just Dance?