This past year I have gotten the honor of being a Sing chair for my sorority. This experience has meant so much to me, I can not even comprehend it, because I know that if I do I may end up in tears.
Ever since I started being in Sing my freshman year at Baylor, I had wanted to be a Sing chair. I was really involved with theatre and choir at my school and church in high school, so this was something I found to fill the performing void.
My freshman year I was in a group called Sing Alliance. In this group I got to know a lot of people who I'm still good friends with, and I got to experience my first Sing. I was apprehensive about rushing and doing Sing Alliance, because most freshman don't. But I think it was a really good decision that I made. 3 of my best friends in college came from this group, and we had a little group. It was so much fun being in this group full of people who love performing! We got 3rd place that year, which was something amazing to experience!
The next year I did Sing with my sorority. It was a completely different experience. While the year before everyone in the group I was in was there because they wanted to be, this was not the case. Also, because it was a different organization, things were run differently. I had fun bonding with my sorority sisters, but I knew that I wanted to be a chair the next year to have a positive influence on Sing for this group. This year we didn't make it to Piskin (top 8 groups from Sing get to perform in Pigskin during homecoming).
This year I was a Sing chair for Alpha Delta Pi. It came as such a blessing! I got to know my sorority sisters so much better, and to see myself develop as a person and as a leader. I became more comfortable talking in front of people, calling people out, talking to authority, etc. I think this was just a really good positive experience for me. Also, doing it with the three girls that I was chairs with was such a blessing. I love each of them so much, and was so blessed to have gotten to work on a team with them.
We didn't make it to Pigskin this year, which is sad because we worked out butts off, but strangely I'm ok with it. We bonded as a chapter, and we had a fun act that our group loved. I could not be more proud!
Now comes the question of what I'm doing next year... I'm not sure if I'm going to apply for Student Productions or be a Sing chair another year. I'm praying about it a lot, so for now, it is all in God's hands.
I am so blessed to go to a school that has the largest amateur production. We even had Corbin Bleu judge our last night of Sing this year. I am so so blessed. What a great opportunity to not only entertain others, but to challenge and learn from yourself, and to develop as a child of God.
I love Baylor. I love Sing. Yep, that's about it! :-)
I wrote this in December and just found it. I like it, and although it's a little more personal than stuff I usually share, I thought it had some good ideas and that I would share it anyway. Hope you enjoy!
I wrote this article in my Xanga in high school. It's old, but a lot of my thoughts stay the same. Music is powerful. This is probably one of my favorite things I wrote on that blog.
There is one thing in the world that I think is more personal than anything else,
and that is music.
It is exhilarating, yet almost frightening to realize that when you listen to music, (particularly the non-rap/hip-hop where they aren't just talking about sex and drugs), you are listening to the words in someone's head.
I pretty much just realized this this past week when I attempted to write music. It's kinda funny really, how I can be such a musical person, and someone who adores to write, but I can not write music. Maybe because I've never really tried before? I don't know.
But I do know that this past week when I attempted to sing and play piano with my own words, I couldn't do it. There is something about saying your true emotions while performing them, singing them, or even saying them that is the hardest thing ever. But only when you write them. I can sing something someone else wrote that fit's me perfectly, but I don't feel as exposed.
Maybe because when someone else writes it, it's like I can hide under that, even if it is what I am meaning to say. For example, my new obsession to play is "I'm not alright" by Sanctus Real. It is a beautiful song and I can truly relate to it. But do my parent's realize that when I am singing the chorus "I'm not alright, I'm broken inside.. And all I go through, leads me to you", and am truly saying that I am not alright? It's like I subconsciously think that if they happen to ask me who sings it, I can say "Sanctus Real" and not have to talk about what the content is, and how I relate to it.
But if it's something I write, I have nothing to cover it up with. Those are MY words, MY emotions, MY music.
"Two A.M. and I'm still awake writing this song,
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me,
threatin' the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd,
'Cause these words are my diary screaming out loud,
And I know that you'll use them however you want to."
--Breath (2 AM) by Anna Nalick
Valentines Day is around the corner. Now, this can go at least four ways:
1) You have a significant other and get really excited.
2) You have a significant other and couldn't care less.
3) You're single and the thought of V-day makes you twitch with resentment that you don't have someone to spend it with.
4) You're single and you don't really care. You realize that you have more important things to do than worry about not having a significant other, and you are perfectly okay with it.
I like to think that at this stage in my life I am at the 4th option. I recently went through a breakup, and it was hard on me for a while. The past few weeks have been the first real days in which I have found pure joy in being single again. It helps that I am insanely busy right now. I have a pile of laundry in my room that is exploding, my bathroom is a mess, my car looks like a tornado hit it, and I have a lot of school work I need to focus on... I feel like this is more important than boys at the moment.
I read something on Pinterest the other day that really got me thinking. It said "You only get 10 years to be in your twenties". That hit me! I am on the brink of turning 21, so right at the beginning of my twenties. I am at that age when friends start getting engaged, planning weddings, and thinking of their future with another person. Last semester, 7 girls in my sorority alone got engaged.
I think it's silly the amount of pressure our society puts on people in their 20's. Our society has a formula they want us all to fit in: school for 13 years, go to a good college, graduate, either go straight to grad school or get married and get a job. And if we don't get married right off the bat, we're supposed to spend the rest of our 20's devoted to finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. Now I'm not saying that looking for love is a bad thing, but maybe desperately yearning for it to the point where nothing else is satisfying, is. Life is too short not see the happiness in everyday.
"You only get 10 years to be in your twenties"
It's crazy for me to think of how much my life has changed in the last 10 years. 10 years ago I was in 5th grade. 10 years ago I had never been kissed, never been depressed, and never had my heart broken. 10 years ago I had never experienced the true love of God, thought about college, known what I wanted to do with my future. 10 years ago I wanted to be a fashion designer, an interior designer, or a famous singer like Britney Spears by the time I reached the ago of 13 (this is before she went cray cray). Now I want to be a youth minister, and maybe eventually a counselor, bringing teenagers and preteens the love of Christ.
But in the past 10 years I have shed many tears, laughed so hard I didn't even know it was possible, and overcame many milestones. In the past 10 years I have created bonds that are going to last a lifetime, ended ones that are unhealthy for me, and have been learning to live for God on a daily basis, even though there are many days when I forget to give him the glory. In the past 10 years I have overcome illness, emotional wounds, and gotten to know the person God is creating in me a little better each day.
"You only get 10 years to be in your twenties"
In a few short weeks I will be 21. In the U.S. this is a monumental age. Not only is it when you can legally buy and consume alcohol, it is also when you are officially recognized as an adult. Technically you are at 18, but there is just something about being 21.
My mom told me when I was growing up to never settle. To enjoy my twenties. To not be determined to be wed by a certain age. She had a good friend that did this, and that ended very badly. It also helps that my mom was in her late twenties when she tied the knot.
So I am coming back to a realization that I've had before, but am in need of again: that it is okay for me to be single. God wants me to be single right now. I have a feeling that he has some work for me to do, and I am excited to see what that is. And I am going to enjoy my twenties. Hopefully God will put someone in my life in the next 10 years or so, but what's the hurry? I do not need to have my "ring by spring" to be content. And I think that God wants me to be single right now, so I can do whatever he wants for me to do. Right now I can focus on getting closer to God, and enjoying the many aspects of singleness.
"I serve the Author of Time, who is NOT subject to time, but I am subject to Him. He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE, or REWIND at any given time…"
"You only get 10 years to be in your twenties"
It's crazy for me to think of how much has happened in the past 10 years. Sometimes it seems like such a short time, and sometimes it feels really long... but it all just makes me really excited for the next 10. I have no idea what is going to happen. I have no idea what joys I may have, and what the hardships are that will accompany it. But I know that God will be right there by my side.
In a society that puts so much emphasis on a structure of how life is supposed to go, I am going to choose to let God have the reigns. If he wants me to go to grad school, that is in his hands. If he wants me to get married in my 20's, he will put someone in my life. It is all up to him.
Something I often talk about with friends is life after college. It's scary because for the first time in your life you don't have a set structure. Everything that happens after graduation for the majority of college graduates is an unknown land. Where am I going to live? Where am I going to work? Who am I going to marry? When am I going to get married? Will I get married? What will my kids be like? Will I be able to have kids? and many more. To be perfectly honest, it kind of freaks me out.
But God is in control.
This summer God was asking me if I trusted him. I told him I did, and I made some important changes to my life. Lately I have had that question pounding through my head. The answer is a daily reminder to give God control.
1. Laughter
2. Late night dinners with friends
3. Spending all day at church
4. Sing... and singing.
5. Making music
6. Learning new instruments
7. Learning
8. Smiling
9. Ministering to teenagers
10. Baylor!
11. Laying on a bench outside in perfect weather
12. Taking walks
13. Dancing
14. Writing in my journal or on here
15. Working out
16. Sleeping
17. Friday afternoons
18. Deep conversations
19. Talking about boys
20. Cooking
21. Planning things
22. Drinking tea
23. Reading my Bible
24. Spending too many hours on the computer
25. Spending time with those I love
26. Taking pictures
27. Creativity
28. My sorority
29. Performing in front of large audiences
30. Spending time with those I love
I am a religion major, and I absolutely love it! Last semester was my first semester in really getting to dive into it. I took Christian ethics and Intro to Church History, and it was great to see what God taught me through those. I became a lot more aware of the history of the church, different issues that the church has dealt with and is dealing with, and how Christianity impacts ways of looking at different issues.
This semester I am taking World Religions and Intro to New Testament. I feel like these two classes go well together, because for both of them it requires me to be a little more open minded. I also feel like questions that were arisen to me last semester that have been on my mind, are ones that are prevalent in these classes, and that is awesome! Some of these questions include: what are the similarities and differences between religions? Can one examine a different religion and grasp it without joining in it? Can someone be of two different religions? What does this mean to be a person of faith studying different religions?
Also questions of textual criticism regarding the New Testament: what is this? How are we supposed to judge this and several more issues that are very interesting to me, but I can't formulate into a question at this point.
I think one of the reasons that I love my major so much is truth. Everyone is searching for truth in life and wanting to know where it comes from. But the reality is that you can't know everything. You just have to have faith and trust in God that everything will one day make sense. I love this! I love learning about the Bible. I love learning about the different Popes, Luther and Jonathan Edwards. I love learning about different religions. I love that there is always more to learn and more to discover.
That is something about my minor too... music. I will never be the best, but I always want to learn and discover more about the instruments I am playing and the music I am reading. There is always more to know and ways to improve myself, and that is never ending.
I am a work in progress, and I am so excited to keep on learning (even if sometimes I don't like to...). :-)
I work at a Christian camp, which if you read this blog, you already know. Over the past few months I have really struggled as to whether or not I should return there this summer.
Throughout last summer I felt like God was telling me to return for half the summer, but I was still really unsure. A lot of my friends were saying that it was their last summer, and that made me feel a little uneasy, but secure in the fact that I knew it would be ok if it was my last as well. Campers kept asking me if I was coming back or not. This was a really hard question. I just really felt like God was telling me to go back for part of it. At the time I was thinking of studying abroad for half the summer, so working the other half would be really convenient.
This past fall semester however, the doubts really got to me. I really realized that none of my close friends were going back, including the guy I was dating at the time, who I had worked there with. Because I was unsure about the path God was going to take us on and the difficulties of the long distance, I was really unsure. A bunch of my camp friends came and visited me in September, and I remember the exact moment when sitting around my kitchen table someone posed the question, "Is anyone going back this summer?" Everyone said that they probably weren't or they weren't for sure, and that they felt like God was done working with them there. For me, this was confirmation that I shouldn't go back.
Fast forward a few months and I was still pretty sure that God didn't want me to go back, but I hadn't really given it much thought. The thing is, I had absolutely no idea what God wanted me to do with my summer, and that was unsettling.
Then the guy I was dating and I broke up. The next day I was spending some much needed time with God, and I started praying about what He wanted me to do this summer. I was looking up different ministry programs and volunteer opportunities in the Waco area, and then I just felt this nudging on my heart.
In high school I was really involved in this retreat called Celebration. If I hadn't gone to it, my life would be completely different. I am so thankful to God for blessing me with it. At one of my last weekends the spiritual advisor was talking about how we are to know when God calls us to something. She said that it is the gut feeling that one has that just does not go away no matter how hard you try. This message has stuck with me throughout college and really helped me to discern what is His will is for me.
So when I felt God nudging at me that day, I realized that he had been nudging me over the past several months. I knew he was likely calling me back. I made a pros and cons list and realized that all the reasons I didn't want to go back were petty ones, such as a lot of my friends not coming back. But then I realized that there was something much more important than that, and that is the girls I would be ministering to, and the lives I would be impacting for the Kingdom. I started filling out my application, but didn't submit it yet.
Over the next several days I was still trying to determine what God wanted me to do. I talked to one of my best friends at school and camp a lot about it, and he basically told me that if I felt like I needed to go back, I needed to apply. So in a moment when I was feeling sure that this was in God's plan, I submitted the application.
Fast forward a few weeks and I heard back that they want me to come back! Now I just had to make a decision... and I have decided that I am going to be working at camp Cho-Yeh weeks 1-5, and then doing summer school in Waco, either at MCC or Baylor. It's been a hard decision, but it's been really cool to see how God has been working through it.
I am so blessed!
I am so blessed to impact the lives of girls for 5 weeks this summer, to grow in who I am, and to make new friendships with the staff while God continues to bless me in new ways. I don't know what God has planned for me, but I know that this is where he wants me for this short period of my life. It's been a long road to come to that realization, but I'm glad I've finally arrived!
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