"I Want it Like it was Back Then, I Want to be in Eden"

Something I do occasionally is watch nerdy videos on Youtube.

I have watched a bunch of Dr.Phil shows, BBC documentaries on eating disorders and the Wesboro Baptist Church, as well as a bunch on healthy living and weight loss.  Recently I got really into TED Talks.  The other day I was watching one and they were talking about the history of food in America, which is really interesting.  So often, like with all things, we take for granted what we have and don't always think about the way that things used to be.

But in this video it talked about how food used to be just local farms or what you grew in your own garden.  I mean, I feel like this is somewhat common sense, but so often we miss what this really means.  This means that you couldn't just go to the grocery store and get broccoli whenever you wanted.  It would have to be from your garden, or a town store, and it would have to be when broccoli was in season.  And because of the limited transportation, food really was local.  That is why it was so special for people to receive an orange from Florida for Christmas in New York... because you never got oranges and it was super rare, tasty, and special.  With the development of air travel and our highway system, the transportation of food is no longer an issue.  And with things like pesticides and genetically modified seeds and ways of farming, it is easier to grow fruits and vegetables when they aren't naturally in season.  That is why the idea of getting an apple or an orange in your Christmas stocking isn't so alluring these days.

Yesterday, I was driving in my car and eating an apple.  I was thinking about how much I like apples and how I take them for granted.  They're sweet and delicious, but they're often the last thing that I want.

With that apple in my hand, I started thinking about the book of Genesis in the Bible.  More specifically, the creation story and the events that took place thereafter.  The fruit we normally think about Eve tempting Adam with is an apple.  And then I got this new image of this story in my head.

Adam and Eve were the first people on Earth, and God gave them this amazing Garden, Eden.  I imagine this garden being filled with trees of apples and peaches, bushes full of berries, and rows upon rows of weedless corn, potatoes, tomatoes, and watermelons.  The garden of Eden... not just the orchard like we normally picture it being in children's storybooks.

So here are these two people, Adam and Eve.  They're the first people on Earth.

Now really think about this for a second.  That means a lot of firsts... and awkward ones too.  Like the first time to need to go to the bathroom?  Or to walk?  Ever think of what it might have been like the first time they discovered milk came out of goats and cows?  And that they could drink it?  Or that they could kill, cook, and eat animals?  What about their first moments on earth when they started to feel hunger?

Imagine how overwhelmed Adam and Eve were in that garden.  Their stomachs were growling, but they didn't know what it was like to eat.  Their lips had never tasted what milk or berries or any fruit, regardless if it was forbidden or not, tasted like.

I can imagine being completely overwhelmed.  So much to the point where I imagine them standing at the edge of this garden, not knowing where to begin.  Not knowing which foods taste like what, or how to make them taste good, or anything.  Not knowing the difference between a tomato and a banana.  All they would know is that this god who had created them told them not to eat from one particular tree in the middle of the garden, but they could eat from any other tree.

But that tree, the one in the middle of the garden, looks so good!  And they don't know where to start!  Everything looks so good, but so scary at the same time.  And they were hungry.  Everything is new.  There is no knowledge of what could taste like what.

So here comes this serpent, just one of the many animals in the garden (On a side note.... could animals talk at this time?  Was it super weird for this serpent to be talking or was that normal?).  And the serpent says to go ahead and eat from the tree that your creator told you not to.  They had been told not to, but they had no knowledge of good nor evil.  But here they are given direction.  Someone, or something, is telling them what to eat, not just what not to.

So they drive in and eat the fruit from the forbidden tree, woman first and then man.  They are hungry and scared and clueless.

Maybe my indulgence in that apple didn't give me an answer to questions of the fall, or whether or not we should blame that on women or not (no... but that's the feminist in me), but it did give me somewhat of a new perspective.  Hunger is something that all people are prone to, rich or poor, gay or straight, white or black or brown.  Everyone knows what it is like to be hungry: whether that is just before a meal, or for a prolonged period of time....  Hunger knows no boundaries.

While I have no direct conclusions, I can learn to have empathy and to think of the story of a fall in a new way.  A way that exudes grace and love and my own humanity.  A way that makes me think not just of the damnation of man because of the lack of trust in God by two, but a way that teaches me that my own trust in God must go further than hunger, pain, and confusion.

I'm glad driving and eating an apple could show me that.

Throwing a why back from the future

“I didn't understand anything because of my hunger. I wasn't dumb. It wasn't lack of interest. My social condition didn't allow me to have an education. Experience showed me once again the relationship between social class and knowledge."

-Paulo Freire

Lately I've been a little apprehensive about my future, as I think I talked about in my last post.  I've been thinking of why I didn't do one of these programs where I would be traveling and doing mission work... and then I realized it when I was talking to one of my best friends.

We were talking about how society tends to look down on people that are different than us.  And one of those ways is that we tend to say that all people are granted equal opportunity.  But really, that's not true.

Growing up, I went to top notch schools in a great school district.  I had teachers who cared about me (I remember my kindergarden teacher coming to my house to deliver my Valentines after I missed our Valentine's day party 'cause I was at home sick.  She also babysat once for my brother and I when I parents were out of town).  I also had parents who spent hours explaining things to me, reading with me and to me, working on science fair projects and silly things in physics when we had to build a bridge.  And if they weren't able to help me, they were willing to hire a tutor for me.  It was assumed that I was going to attend college... not that I ever tried to fight that.

My parents made sure that I was eating well and was creating healthy habits.  They made sure that I learned that exercise is good and that that was present in their lives as well.  They taught me that all people are created equal and deserve to be treated as such.

This was the life that I was presented.

But not everyone has that.  There are many kids whose parents don't care about their education.  There are parents who don't want their children to go to college.  Or even if they do, the kids don't have a way of getting to school or paying for it, even with scholarships.  There are parents who don't necessarily care what their kids put in their mouths or they can't afford to care.

There are kids who don't know that education is out there and available.  There are kids that this is not an option for.

So my friend and I were sitting in his car and talking about this and it hit me.  These doubts that I've been having lately just dissipated.

Why am I going to grad school?  Why am I doing four more years of school in divinity and social work?

Why?

Because I can.  I have this opportunity set right there before me, and I'm going to take it.  I'm going to take it for the people who can't or don't know how.  I'm going to take it for the kids who go to bed hungry or without the nutrients they need to have a good mind to learn well.

So yes, this is why I'm going to school for longer....
Because I can and others can't, and it is my duty as a servant of Christ to take the opportunities I've been given and use them for his glory.

Sometimes I Can't Sleep

I feel like I'm in this awkward mess of stuff.

Last night I couldn't sleep.  I was caught up in the amazement of God that he creates when you realize certain things.  I was in a reminiscent mood.  I try to be a writer... not only do I keep blogs but journals.  I got out some old journals and was reading old blog posts as well and I was thinking about how much has happened over the past year.  How if this breakup hadn't happened then I wouldn't have worked at camp last summer.  And if I hadn't have worked at camp, then I may not have done this and this which led to me going into social work.  And how certain experiences led me to passions that I have now and just... wow.

And I was also thinking about location.

Next fall, after I graduate from undergrad at Baylor, I'm staying in Waco and doing a dual masters degree in divinity and social work through our seminary and the school of social work.  I'm really excited.  God has put a passion in my heart over the past year to go into social work and such.  I'm just still trying to figure out logistics of money, where I'm living, and where I'm working.  It's stressful.

When I was reminiscing last night, I started to think about how last year around this time I wrote a blog post about how I wanted to get out of Texas.  How I wanted to travel.  I started thinking about programs that I wanted to do last year with missions and volunteering in different countries.  I started thinking about how other people I know are going on huge mission trips around the world.  How my biggest regret in college is not studying abroad even though that is something I really wanted to do.  And the reason I didn't was Sing.

And then I'm thinking about how I'm staying.  And it's making my head fuzzy with emotion because on one hand I'm confident in it because I definitely think it's where God is calling me to be, but on the other hand, there is still a part of me that is aching to travel.  There is still that part of me that wants to live on the mid-atlantic or northeast or northwestern coast of the United States or in Europe... and there is that part of me that wants to travel.  That part that wants to meet random people and go to Israel and Paris and Scotland.

But I have to remember that this is where God has called me for now.  And while it seems boring and mondain at the moment, I can only imagine the things God has in store for me through this place called Waco, TX.

I just need to find a place to live and a job so I don't have to live in a box under I35.

"I Challenge You to a Resurrection!"

This blog is a couple of months late.... oh well...

A lot of majors have senior capstone classes.  My major, religion, happens to be one of those.  This year we're studying the Branch Davidians, Mt.Carmel, and all the related events (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waco_siege).

When I came to Baylor University in Waco, TX, a lot of people would make little sly remarks about Waco.  They would say stuff like, "Isn't that where that cult thing happened?"  To which I would smile and nod.  I didn't really know what they were talking about.

Here's the thing.  The event occurred in Spring of 1993.  I was two when this happened, and I am among the oldest undergrad students at Baylor.  Most current Baylor students were either toddlers, infants, or not even born.  This is not accounting for the fact that the majority of Baylor students are somewhat disconnected from the Waco community.  Most students don't really know what happened at Mt. Carmel.

From February 28- April 19, 1993, there was a standoff between the FBI and the Branch Davidians at Mt. Carmel near Waco, TX.  The police were originally there for reports of artillery and child abuse.  There is no clear indication of who fired first, but somehow shots ended up being fired.  There was then a 51 day standoff between the two groups, as they worked to create the most peaceful ending possible.  Thankfully several people, including several children came out before the end.

On April 19, 1993, there were several gun shots, tanks went in filled with gas, and then a fire started.  This fire killed 76 Branch Davidians, including men, women, children, and their leader, Vernon Howell (who later changed his name to David Koresh).  It is unclear who started the fire.

The Branch Davidians are a sect off of the Davidian Seventh Day Adventists, who are a sect off of the Seventh Day Adventists.  Something that they highlight is the book of Revelation, and the end times.  To the Branch, Revelation is a compilation and conclusion to all of the books of the Bible, primarily those of the Old Testament prophets. 

A couple of months ago, my class visited Mt. Carmel.  As we drove up to the site, we were overwhelmed by the memorials set up, and the no trespassing signs (clearly aimed at the government).

The chapel.

We met with the rest of our group and walked into the chapel.  The original chapel was destroyed in the fire.  This place served as a museum and for worship on sunday mornings.  The new building was actually created over the place where the front doors originally were.  These doors were those that the government shot at and put army tanks into.

As we walked through the doors, I was struck by the plain white walls and carpeting.  At the front of the chapel was a little stage with drums, just as you might find in any Southern church.  However, on the sides of it were the 10 commandments hung on two huge tablets.  For an instance I had flashbacks to last semester.

Last November, Westboro Baptist Church came to protest at a Baylor football game.  In preparation for the event, I decided to educate myself by watching many youtube videos on the group.  It was apparent that they had a strong emphasis on teachings of the Old Testament, just as the Davidians do.  I seem to remember some of these churches having the 10 commandments hanging up.  As I walked into the Davidian chapel, I felt like I was walking into one of these videos.

Amongst the whiteness of the walls to our sides were the faces of the previous Davidian prophets.  Victor Houteff, Ben Roden, Lois Roden, and David Koresh were just a few of these.  Sitting in that room and having their faces there was almost surreal.

Dog grave.  Some of the pets of the compound were among the first to be shot.

When we got there we sat down in the chapel.  Charles Pace, who is a Davidian himself (although he did not follow Koresh and wasn't in the Branch) spoke to us.  He spoke rather quickly, but with much passion.  It was easy to tell that this man surely believed what he was saying, even if those of us listening intently to him did not.

Pace started to speak of the theology and the events that actually occurred throughout that time.  Some of what he said we didn't agree with at all.  Examples of this being that Texas will succeed from the United States and become a satellite country of Israel.  This would be where God would send a prophet to judge the world.  In Pace's eyes, the American government, our governmental leaders, and Catholics and Muslims are the problems in the world.  When he spoke of theology, he used a lot of old testament to back him up, specifically Ezekiel.

We were all struck by some of the things he said to us, but we all had an ara of respect as well.  Here is this man that believes so full-heartedly in what he teaches, that he is willing to be out on this land everyday that almost a hundred people, many of whom he knew, died.  He was so determined and passionate about his message.  With seeing that in his eyes and that tone of his voice, it was hard not to see how someone may decide to follow this group of people.

The concrete slab is what remains of the old gym.

After spending 45-minutes to an hour or so indoors listening to Charles Pace, it was finally our time to walk around the site.

The first thing that stood out to us was the size of the compound.  From all of the pictures we had seen of this giant building set to flames, or with FBI around it, we expected to be amazed by the amount of land that this place would have taken up.  We were surprised when we realized that it was not nearly as large as we would have thought.  With the towers gone, it looked surprisingly small.

This is likely the site where most of the women and children passed away in the fire on April 19, 1993.

At some point while we were walking along we remembered that this was the site of 80+ deaths.  Then we remembered where Pace had said that the women and children would have been when the fire happened.  Let's just say that realizing that you are standing on the ground where that many people died in one of the countries largest tragedies is humbling to say the least.

Trying to get through the tunnel into the storm shelter.

This was a storm shelter.  The people tried to get there before the fire, but their only way of entry was blown to shreds.

Burnt items... flashlight and nails we thought

melted glass

Words that we found inscribed into the concrete of the steps of the pool.  Says "DK 92 Boom"... kinda eery.  (DK- David Koresh)

The incident is what inspired the Oklahoma City bombing.   This is a memorial to the people who passed away in it.

In class we have been evaluating different secondary sources, watching documentaries, videos, and engaging on conversation.  For the second half of the semester we have been working with primary documents, choosing a topic of our choice, and writing papers and having presentations.

For my topic, I chose to write on how Baylor reacted to all this... if you want to know more about my research, let me know! :-)

Lent 20+13

I gave up meat for Lent.

Over the past year, I have begun to be far more interested in food and health.  I guess this began at camp last year.  Basically most every meal we had was fried, and I just felt absolutely disgusting by the end of my 7 weeks there.

When I got back to my apartment in Waco, one of the things that I became most excited about was going to the grocery store and buying some healthy food-- veggies, yogurt, real eggs, almond milk, whole grains, hummus, etc.  I also started watching these videos on youtube that talked about health.

Some of these videos talked about basic things that most people know, like saturated fats are bad, and that we need to eat our fruits and veggies.  Some others talked more about high fructose corn syrup, GMO, MSG, and other harmful things that food manufacturers put in our food to get us addicted.  These videos also talked about the real dangers of simple carbohydrates, saturated fats, fried foods, and sugary drinks.  All of this blew my mind.

Over the past couple of semesters I have tried to eat healthier.  I still mess up and treat myself, but my diet now will consist of whole grain tortillas and hummus rather than kraft mac and cheese.

I have also begun to recognize the value in locally grown and natural foods.  Reasons for this being that I like to put my money into the local economy, the food is fresher, and it tastes better.

Something I've become aware of lately is how not only are there pesticides that are put on our produce in the supermarket, but also the meat that we buy and eat is filled with gross stuff as well.  For example, meat should go bad after around 4 days, but meat producers will pump most of the meat in grocery stores full of carbon monoxide to keep it looking fresh.

So for lent I decided to give up meat.

Before I gave it up I wasn't really eating too much meat anyway, but I also wasn't restricting myself in anyway.  There's a difference when I'm purposefully not eating it than when I just don't want to eat it.

So I decided to allow myself to eat meat on sundays (sundays aren't counted into the 40 days of Lent).  Most times I would only have a little chicken, but last week I ventured out.  The college group I'm involved with at church had a little cookout, and I decided to indulge in a hamburger and a couple small pieces of sausage.

Bad choice.  For the rest of the day I was feeling gross and feeling kinda sick.  It's funny how our bodies will adjust to what we do or do not put in it.

As Americans we eat a lot of meat.  I have especially realized this especially over the past month or so.  Walk in to most restaurants, and it is a challenge to find something that doesn't involve some sort of chicken, beef, or bacon.  If you think about it, it almost seems kind of silly.  Here God gave us all these vegetables, fruits, grains, and nuts to fill our bodies with the nutrients, protein, fiber, and calcium we need to live, but here we are eating a diet that generally doesn't include these natural gifts given by God.  It's awesome how God gives us the food to eat and the nutrients we need naturally.

A lot of people would ask me where I was getting my protein.  For some reason we have this misconception that we can only get the protein we need from poultry and meats.  Truth is that our culture eats too much protein, and meat is just one way to getting it.  It can also be found in nuts, eggs, legumes, seafood, seeds, and soy.

I have nothing against eating meat.  I think it is ok for us to kill animals and eat the meat from them.  However, my issue is our way of doing so.  Feeding our animals antibiotics and steroids and then killing them.... putting hazardous chemicals in the food... not exactly The Jungle by Upton Sinclair, but it's up there.

So yah... not gonna go completely vegetarian now, but I'll be eating less meat for sure.  Natural and grass fed meat when I can help it.



Grace

During Lent, I unintentionally learned a lot about grace.  I got a new view of the story of Jesus' death and resurrection.

I'm not going to go into specifics, but let's just say that a group including myself and some friends, got together to study one day.  We started to form a list of study questions and sent them out to the class.  Because of the circumstances of the exam, this could have been viewed as cheating, even though it was not our intention whatsoever.  Basically our professors found out, and it was a big thing... thankfully they realized that we were not trying to cheat, and we didn't get in trouble.

Grace.

I'm applying for a graduate school program at Baylor.  Because of some circumstances, my application was not in until the last minute.  I knew that all of my stuff was in, but I was worried about my reference letters.  The next day, the school e-mailed out that they were extending their admissions deadline.

Grace.

Grace is an undeserved gift.  They didn't have to not punish us.  They didn't have to extend the deadline.

Jesus didn't have to put my sins on his shoulders and carry them for me.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially in the past week:  what was Jesus feeling during those final hours of his life?

How was he feeling when his closest friends wouldn't stay awake with him during his final hours in the Garden?  Or when one of them betrayed him with a kiss?  One of the most symbolic signs of intimacy... and he was led to persecution by it.

I've been trying to put myself in his shoes.  Trying to think of circumstances in which my friends didn't come through or when I felt betrayed by someone I loved.  It hurts, and it hurts deep.

Some of the very people who Jesus knew and loved were yelling to Pilot to crucify him.

and that is where I see the grace.

The Bible tells us that three days after he was crucified, Jesus came up from the tomb.  He appeared to Mary and Martha, and then the disciples.

If you recall, in Mark14, all of the disciples completely deserted Jesus (and then there is an awkward story about a guy running naked).  Not only were Jesus' disciples unable to stay awake with him in the garden, but they completely deserted him in his time of need.

When we look at the resurrection we don't see a guy who is upset at his closest friends for deserting him.  We don't see a guy who is holding resentment for the things that have been done to him.  No, here Jesus embraces his disciples.  He forgives them and loves him.  He tells them to go out and spread his name.  He gives them a mission and a purpose... these very people who betrayed him.

Grace.

I like to think that these examples of grace shown to me can be adequate examples of the grace Jesus gives us... but I don't think it can.  While I know that I feel thankful and undeserving of the gifts bestowed upon me, I know that what Jesus did is far more than any of that.  He made it so that I could show grace to others in response to how he's shown it to me.

Controversy

It’s so easy to say we know what it means to love, especially in a Christ-like manner, when we are sitting in our primarily white, suburban churches and donating money to charities and missionaries without actually doing any of the work ourselves.  

I hope that Christ breaks me out of that box.

That I will realize that I should predominantly follow the teachings of Jesus.  Teachings that talk about caring for the oppressed and the widows and the orphans.  Teachings that talk about carrying my cross, and suffering for the sake of the Gospel.  Like actually physically suffering… not just sitting at my computer and being upset at what people are posting on facebook about marriage equality.

I hope that I will realize that I need to follow this Jesus, and that no matter how great the teachings of Paul are in his letters, that Jesus is to come first.  While Paul is important and significant (after all, he is published in the New Testament Canon), he is just as human as you or me.  

Paul talks about his sin all the way throughout the New Testament.  Jesus is sinless.  He is perfect.  

I hope I will realize that when I read the story of the Great Samaritan, that I am the pharisee.  I am no greater, no better than he.  I don’t see hurt around me, and I continue on my selfish road to my own selfish gain.  Just because I claim to be a follower of Christ doesn’t mean that I affiliate with the hero in the story. 

So please tell me whose teachings are more important?

So even if homosexuality is a sin, I think that the American church places far too much importance on it.  

It is mentioned 5 times total in the whole Bible, 6 if you include Sodom and Gomorra, but that is a stretch considering that scholars most often say that this verse is primarily concerned with hospitality.  The two verses in Leviticus, while being significant, can’t be put into a real Christian argument.  There are so many other laws in Leviticus that we don’t follow, that saying we uphold these is hypocritical and creates a we-are-better-than-you mentality.  Besides, as Christians we believe that Christ came to fulfill the Old Testament laws and to create a new covenant.  Therefore these verses can’t stand up in religious argument very well.

We then must look at the passages in the New Testament.  These verses are found in Romans, 1 Corinthians, and 1 Timothy… all books that are attributed to Paul (although scholars are unsure as to whether Paul actually wrote all of those based on writing styles, etc).  So here we can see that the phsycial act of homosexuality is wrong according to the New Testament.  Therefore, it can be taken as a sin. and wrong.  However, nothing says that the emotional side or the attraction is wrong.  This just gets all messed up because so much of a person's identity is bound in their physical acts.  So much of our relationships, our pains, and our emotions are caught up in our physical and sexual acts and pasts.... no matter what sexual orientation we affiliate ourselves with.

But homosexuality is never once mentioned in the Gospels.  I am fairly positive that it is not a central theme to the life and teachings of Jesus.  Instead Jesus talks about love, service, and salvation.  If Jesus wanted to talk about homosexuality, he would have.  His words in the Gospels, a few of them especially, are so selective, that I have confidence in my belief that if homosexuality was something real important to Christianity, then Jesus would have mentioned it at least once.

I think that the American church places far too much emphasis on homosexuality.  I think that if Jesus didn’t talk about it, then maybe we shouldn’t focus as much on it either.  We should focus on finding the best way to care in love for people.  There are other issues we should focus more on in the political spectrum.  Issues such as providing health care for people who can’t afford it.  Issues such as providing governmental assistance to the many people who are below the poverty line.  Providing food to the many, many adults and children who are starving on the very streets of our cities while we walk into an overstuffed kitchen and complain about not having anything to eat.  Things that we can tangibly do for the "least of these".

While I think that the American church places too much emphasis on the legality of homosexuality, I do think the issue of homosexuality is important.  Especially in regards to the culture and times that we are living in now.  I think that it is important that the American church do something about the way it is treating people.  No, this doesn’t mean that you have to agree with what is being said, but you do need to realize that while America was founded upon Biblical principles, it isn't really a “Christian nation”, and has the separation of church and state.  Laws aren't made based on the Bible.  That would be like the Sharia law that is imposed on many Islamic countries (although the Bible is far more ambiguous).

What you need to be able to do is look at your neighbor who is hurting.  Look at your neighbor who is hurting because they have struggled with their sexuality their whole lives, grown up in a Christian environment where they are told that God hates them, and to say that you are sorry.  

And not just look, but know.  

Have the conversations.  Get to know his or her story.  Get to know why he or she may have left the church, or is doubting their faith.  Why they struggle every day in a world that tells them they are less than valuable.  Get off of the church pews, and out of the buildings with stain glass and beautiful crosses, and carry that cross out to those who need it.

I am sorry.

I am sorry that the church hasn’t extended love, because if you are feeling hate, then obviously there is something wrong with the picture.

I hope that my life will be a reflection of Jesus’ love.  Of his perfect, self-sacrificing, mercy-filled, love.

**if you have a comment, please contact me privately.  I would love to discuss this with you, but not in a public forum.  I have written two 10+ page papers dealing with these issues in my undergrad, so I am more than welcome to conversation. Thanks.