Going into the summer I was dealing with a lot of insecurities. "You're not good enough." "You have too much baggage." "No one is ever going to love you because of this sin in your life." Those were a few of the thoughts that ran through my mind. The first few weeks in particular were focused on breaking down the walls that Satan and these insecurities had put up. Something that I went into the summer knowing that I was going to do was to be vulnerable with those around me. Something that insecurities make you want to do is hide yourself. They make you want to pretend that you have everything together, when in fact you are crawling with self-pity on the inside. I knew going into the summer that God was calling me to vulnerable with my walk and how I was currently struggling.
For my birthday I got the book "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore. It took me about 4 months to finish because I kept getting distracted and I am a rather slow reader. I didn't know it at the time when I got this book, but this book made an impact on my life. It showed me how these insecurities were not from God, and that God wanted me to be secure in who I was and am, because He loves me so much and made me to be secure. Another reason for me wanting to regain my security, was the longing to be able to be open to my campers about how God was working in my life.
During staff training I read a chapter in this book where it talks about giving all you have to the King, and surrendering all of your insecurity to Him. Ironically surrender was our theme at camp this summer. I feel like for a lot of us on staff, this could not have been a better theme. Everyone has things they struggle with in their lives, and the reminder that we need to surrender them daily is one that is life changing.
One prayer of mine this summer was to develop genuine, Christ centered friendships and to make best friends. I had really been struggling in finding this sort of value in friendship the prior semester, so this was something that I was really in prayer about. I don't think it would be possible for me to even begin to deny the power of prayer after seeing how God answered this prayer this summer. God really knows the desires of our hearts and He delivered in full. I made some of the closest friends I've ever had, and friends that I know I can tell anything to and they will love me with the love of Christ. Now, if only they didn't live so far away....
I feel like an issue with the insecurity is that I felt like if I told people what was really going on in my life, and what I was struggling with, that they were going to judge me and think less of me. However, this was quite the opposite. God just helped me to be vulnerable and showed me opportunities in which I could open up. There is something special in listening to the power of God in these times and allowing you to open up to people that can be some of the biggest influences in your life.
This summer I worked with teenage girls from ages 11-15. I love working with pre-teens and teens. There is so much that you as a role model can teach the girls. I know for me personally, I was going through a lot at this age, and it was really important to me to minister to these girls. Every girl deserves to know that they are loved, cherished and created fearfully and wonderfully in the image of the Creator of the universe. That was my goal and is my goal is to teach them this.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." --Proverbs 3:5-6