Sometimes I Can't Sleep

I feel like I'm in this awkward mess of stuff.

Last night I couldn't sleep.  I was caught up in the amazement of God that he creates when you realize certain things.  I was in a reminiscent mood.  I try to be a writer... not only do I keep blogs but journals.  I got out some old journals and was reading old blog posts as well and I was thinking about how much has happened over the past year.  How if this breakup hadn't happened then I wouldn't have worked at camp last summer.  And if I hadn't have worked at camp, then I may not have done this and this which led to me going into social work.  And how certain experiences led me to passions that I have now and just... wow.

And I was also thinking about location.

Next fall, after I graduate from undergrad at Baylor, I'm staying in Waco and doing a dual masters degree in divinity and social work through our seminary and the school of social work.  I'm really excited.  God has put a passion in my heart over the past year to go into social work and such.  I'm just still trying to figure out logistics of money, where I'm living, and where I'm working.  It's stressful.

When I was reminiscing last night, I started to think about how last year around this time I wrote a blog post about how I wanted to get out of Texas.  How I wanted to travel.  I started thinking about programs that I wanted to do last year with missions and volunteering in different countries.  I started thinking about how other people I know are going on huge mission trips around the world.  How my biggest regret in college is not studying abroad even though that is something I really wanted to do.  And the reason I didn't was Sing.

And then I'm thinking about how I'm staying.  And it's making my head fuzzy with emotion because on one hand I'm confident in it because I definitely think it's where God is calling me to be, but on the other hand, there is still a part of me that is aching to travel.  There is still that part of me that wants to live on the mid-atlantic or northeast or northwestern coast of the United States or in Europe... and there is that part of me that wants to travel.  That part that wants to meet random people and go to Israel and Paris and Scotland.

But I have to remember that this is where God has called me for now.  And while it seems boring and mondain at the moment, I can only imagine the things God has in store for me through this place called Waco, TX.

I just need to find a place to live and a job so I don't have to live in a box under I35.