I read somewhere that Starbucks purposefully designed there to be little circle tables so that people who were sitting alone wouldn't feel lonely. I like this.
My senior year of college, I sat at those circle tables a lot. I had recently begun studying in the library more and realizing how wonderful it is. I sat at one of those little circle tables. I was probably filling in my agenda, working on final reviews, or looking at the checklist of things I had to do for graduate school and job applications for the next year.
On Youtube I stubbled across a song called, "Blessed are the Ones," by Audrey Assad. She talks about being a servant to others and how they are blessed while having little (I think this is rather ironic when Christianity today speaks of being blessed by having material things and good health... but that's another post). I was blown away by her music and words that spoke to what had been on my heart. A developing need to serve others and to find a way to do this with my life.
Seminary is often referred to as a place where faith dies. Where students become so bogged down with the doubts that others have struggled with before them, with the inconsistencies with Scripture, and with the day to day study of Scripture that isn't always as soul grasping like one hopes.
Not gonna lie, I struggle with this. I think all of us do. The overwhelming longing to not deal with these things anymore and to go back to the innocent faith that was before. Asking ourselves why we're where we are in the first place.
Why am I in seminary? Why am I in graduate school? Why am I not working and getting money and saving for a house and hypothetical future children?
Tonight, after having dinner with a good friend and remembering what I tell myself is the reason why I'm doing this, I got in my car. I turned it on and that song started playing. As I drove back to the library where I filled out those applications two years ago, I allowed for myself to get intwined in the lyrics. I allowed myself to get immersed in the greatness of wondering what it would be like to pour all of me out to serve others.
I remembered why I'm doing this in the first place. I remembered that I'm using my blessing of having an education to make a difference for those who do not. I'm doing what I'm doing for others. For God. Not for myself.
Those circle tables. Those memories. I didn't feel lonely.