Somewhere between

I've been feeling the urge to write and preach again.  Somewhere in time I stopped my regular blogging.  This happened somewhere in graduate school, which is ironic because that time was deeply ingrained with deep thinking and a variety of kinds of theology.  I probably lost my urge to write for fun somewhere between the dense theology books, papers I had to write for school, Genesis and Revelation, the many presentations and community meetings, and having major surgery.  And the Netflix.  Don't forgot about the apathy of my last year of graduate school, almost not graduating, and the Netflix.  And then the struggle to find full time employment that ended only recently.

Perhaps most striking, somewhere along the way I lost my confidence in my opinion and my voice in writing (Yes, I'm an enneagram 6).

This is sometimes what happens in higher education -- as you learn more about the way the world works, about Scripture and about God, you become more sure of the things you're sure of and you learn how much you do not know.  The gap between what you know and what God can only know becomes greater.  That can either be scary or affirming that God has it all in God's hands.

And I think culture has shifted too.  Well, I don't think.  I know it has.

For eight years I was in higher education learning about theology and social work under the Obama administration.  I mean, think about it.  President Obama was elected my senior year of high school and I watched the inauguration in my government class my last semester before I graduated.  President Trump was elected and inaugurated my last year of graduate school, right before I was thrust out into the world as a blossoming minister and social worker.  Talk about learning about social policy and servitude under one way of thinking about the world and having to navigate a new world without the comforts of the classroom.

The world has shifted.  People feel more free to be open with their hatred.  People on both sides of the political spectrum feel the need to ostracize others.  People align their politics and their religious beliefs.  People learn theology from politicians and politics from preachers.  And identity gets tied to all of it, which makes this way more complicated.

I want to be able to be well balanced and to not be too one sided.  I want my thoughts and words and actions to be guided by Christ, though I know they are not always.  I know that I get too caught up in the nitty gritty of politics and theological debates, and that sometimes I should remember more so that the greatest commandment is to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Thank God for grace.

So here I am wanting to come back to writing.  Please give me grace and understanding as I seek to find my voice amongst the crazy and give you my thoughts on whatever I feel led to write.  I hope that eventually I can start a new blog that won't have embarrassing blog posts that I wrote when I was a Freshman in college and 19 years old.  I want to find more of my voice and where God is leading me first.

So here you go.  Reopening of my blog and to where God is leading me.  Opening my next chapter and being open to what God is teaching me.  Because God is leading me somewhere... he (or she? See, mind and theology opening) leads us all somewhere.  But lately I've been feeling this pull to something new.  To preach God's truths in leadership.  Let's see where God takes me.

My story isn't done yet.  This chapter is just opening.