Sunday, February 12, 2012

My diary screaming out loud!

I wrote this article in my Xanga in high school.  It's old, but a lot of my thoughts stay the same.  Music is powerful.  This is probably one of my favorite things I wrote on that blog.

There is one thing in the world that I think is more personal than anything else,
and that is music.

It is exhilarating, 
yet almost frightening to realize that when you listen to music, (particularly the non-rap/hip-hop where they aren't just talking about sex and drugs), you are listening to the words in someone's head.  

I pretty much just realized this this past week when I attempted to write music.  It's kinda funny really, how I can be such a musical person, and someone who adores to write, but I can not write music.  Maybe because I've never really tried before? I don't know.

But I do know that this past week when I attempted to sing and play piano with my own words, I couldn't do it.  There is something about saying your true emotions while performing them, singing them, or even saying them that is the hardest thing ever.  But only when you write them.  I can sing something someone else wrote that fit's me perfectly, but I don't feel as exposed.

Maybe because when someone else writes it, it's like I can hide under that, even if it is what I am meaning to say.  For example, my new obsession to play is "I'm not alright" by Sanctus Real. It is a beautiful song and I can truly relate to it.  But do my parent's realize that when I am singing the chorus "I'm not alright, I'm broken inside.. And all I go through, leads me to you", and am truly saying that I am not alright?  It's like I subconsciously think that if they happen to ask me who sings it, I can say "Sanctus Real" and not have to talk about what the content is, and how I relate to it. 

But if it's something I write, I have nothing to cover it up with.  Those are MY words, MY emotions, MY music.

"Two A.M. and I'm still awake writing this song,
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me,
threatin' the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd,
'Cause these words are my diary screaming out loud,
And I know that you'll use them however you want to."
--Breath (2 AM) by Anna Nalick truer words...

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